may's mayday.

cny has never been this poignant.
no more grandfather's house to walk around like there's egg shells scattered all over the floor.
it's always been this way, adn that was the way (now that i think bout it) i liked.

reunions now seem like a cycle done before.
i duno bout u, but this year's new year definitely felt REaaaaalllly stagnant.

i guess the ang baos aren't much to be delighted over too.
i've gotten over the phrase where money means everythin.
but i think that could be attributed to the fact that i was already prepared to receive as little money as possible this year, due to my grandfather's death last year.

BUT i can't escape the happiness frm being release frm the clutches of sch and into the arms of my beloved for the momentary 5 days.

the junk consumption was good too.
but not good enuff to my weight and body fat which i imagine has increased tremendously.
the amount af work load collected durin sch last week has remained poised in the corner of my study table,
untouched and virginal the writing pad remains from the day i bought it in thoughts of scrapin it up by future work endevours, but no.

haha. i'll juz continue my laze, casue i am NOT appearin in sch tmr, no i'm not! (:

so, sch work day will be completed, BY the end of tomorrow and money attained deposited.
spend my last day wid my parents before they go off off OFF. hur.

and i'll get those walkin socks for my princess.
yes!
have u ever seen those stuff before??!
they actually have socks for dogs ONLY and SPECIFICALLY for WALKIN!
or am i just slow? haha

oh well, calv's gone back again, so ummm... countdown till saturday starts again. (:

4 days and countin-

I say :

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR! (:

life times it all

calvin was back since yesterday evening.
went dinner after that with the companiable COMPANY. haha
and we also BUMPED into denise. (:

we did a bit of shoppin and so on. chery bought her suspenders and i bought a bag.
both very vintage.
both wearin vintage belts.
soon, calvin might me buyin a vintage jeans frm a vintage shop.
haha
a vintage filled term?
perhaps so.

sch yeat was a PERFECT waste of time.
the only lesson i had was PE and even then, so much for anticipatin a fun filled one.
our itenary was to run 5 rounds round the field then 2 arnd the track (to get use to the alteration of routes for our up coming jogathon)
however, i think my teacher had somethin against me (or it could be the fact that she knew i was in track b4, well damn her Ideas),
she made me do an extra round juz becasue i was wearin a shorts other than that of the YJ shorts.
and there were other retainees who weren't wearin sch shorts!
i haven't ran for months, i almost died by the end of the run abt the cursed circular blood red strip of HATE. *roar.

so today, thanks to ms lim, and i noe it was WITH LOVE, i haf achin legs with achin arms (frm volley) and achin chest ( frm the pushups done durin volley AND pe).

To sum it up,
i'm a quivering mass of limps.

my parents are OFF frm 2-7 of feb. *grins

oh ho such FREEDOM.
too bad calvin isn't arnd to fill up my days.
but oh wells. (:

MUST watch Coyote Ugly on monday, 10 pm.
i figure that's the one show that got ppl to actually notice that tyra banks actually exisited.
and make us remember that there WAS a time that tyra actually Looked good and hot and everythin we're not.

"the trouble with love is... it doesn't care how fast u fall"
bye bye- (:

jubilation!

hur hur.

i bought a bag for myself, a hp "chain" as in those dangly things for calv and a hp sock for both calv and me. (:

and i've done some foto printin and finally, it is prepared! *whistles happily.
now all that has to happen, is for calvin to ARRIVE.. in um... 17 hours. (((:

today had school till 5 pm. can u believe such school release timing still exsists?!
apparently it does.
and wads worst i did not get to EAT at all the WHOLE day which left me brooding my life away with a growlin tummy and teh worst disposition i could ever feel myself in.
i was tired
(continuous lessons ALL THE WAY wid only a half hour break at NINE in the friggin mornin?!- who the hell eats lunch at NINE?!*roar),
sleepy and hungry,
lucky i din talk to much ppl and had water to contantly fill my tummy with or i would haf really popped crank out.
no.
SPEW it OUT like FROTH.

oh kay i'm pretty much drained frm all that blabberin,
soooooo... :D

17 hours and counting-

back stroking, finger pinching

i think i'm gettin obsessed with changin the songs on my friendster profile. haha. i've changed it yet

AGAIN.

and i had volley trainin today!
which was horrible, but fun nonetheless.
i dun think i can get sick of this sport actually.
its one of those sports which u can play when ur free, and when ur at the beach, and when u want to be serious and when u just want some fun!
now if ONLY i could play better then how pathetically i do at present.
saying that, i haf EVERY intention of gettin a volleyball SOON.

practice pratice practice!

now i feel as if time is becoming slower and slower, and that everyday is draggin by like there's a thousand tons chained to it, draggin it along paved floor, and friction sends sparks of light to highlight the already obvious slowed pace.

he's made up for the other day's missed call wid an exceptionally long call this time. that has lowered my temper considerably.

ok well i'm pretty shagged. hur hur.
SHAGGED.
anyway, yea, so i'm off.

2 days and counting-

the tumbler.

ok. once. so much later.
*roar!

the tumble.

he hasn't called for 2 days.
i'm worried.
i'm uncomfortable.
i'm pissed.

yellow polka dot bikini

haha. shereen, ur anticipation and excitement is contagious. you've got me smilin and getting more excited than i already am. *wiggles excitedly :D

THREE!!!! hahaha

and i just realised that the song "black and white" by THREE dogs night played on my friendster profile is in concert style... gives me a weird feelin seeing old men performing on my screen.

ok, i've juz changed it THREE times.

THREE. haha. i'm startin to see it EXCESSIVELY.

he's comin back in THREE~ he he he. *grins.

today was sooo slack, that's for a fact,
i really enjoyed. haha
nai was sick,
as in the "conventional" way.
you noe the usual cough and sore throat, SO she decided to take early leave.
then it occurred to me that while she was goin home to relax, i was gona be stuck in sch till 6pm and i absolutely REFUSED, so made up my mind to leave at 1.30 pm.
BUT
impatience and with alittle help frm cheryl phua and a big push frm fate or destiny, or whoever actually manages wad happens in life,
i ended up getting an early leave form and left sch happy to be free frm the clutches of the college.
we both then headed to yishun's polyclinic to get ourselves MCs and that consumed almost 2 hours of precious sleep time. *roar.

all ended well cause when i reached home at 1pm and did my usual dallyin,
i fell asleep arnd 1.30 to wake up at 5.45 (:
THAT my dear frens,
was heaven's gift to me.
undeniable sleep which i've been lackin since saturday.

i feel so rejuvinated i fear sleepin might be a prob tonight.

"i don't believe in ANYTHIN but you~"

and u know, steve tyler isn't THAT ugly la. haha
liv tyler got some of her features frm him, and her mom isn't THAT pretty,
so he MUST haf somethin nice in that mass of wrinkles some where which has been replicated onto liv.
right?
(:

dammit. i still haf a bottle sketch to do..

When my time is wasting,
And living
Is a stagnant blur,
I hear ur voice
Repeating in my ear.
Your love,
That resonates,
Like an echo, it completes me.
Wholesomely.
I'm loving you.
And knowing your doing the same,
Feeling splendidly too.

3 days and counting-

it's plainly simple. four.

i'm gettin the martine belt which is part of the sailor series soon!!!! (friday)

and wait.. isn't that "the coming home"? (((:

4 days and counting-

its fast, its sprinty, its time.

oright. off he goes again.

and the cycle will continue for quite a while.
i could get use to it really, seein him twice a week and sometimes... thrice (or MORE!) (:

i quite like volley.
in fact i really enjoy it durin the times where i actually show signs of actually knowin the sport. ha
i have EVERY intention of practisin so that i can be at elast HELPFUL to the team when playin a friendly match.

went shoppin today for calv's CNY clothes. although all we actually got was one T- SHIRT. which i thought was really inapporopriate for CHINESE NEW YEAR. i dun understand y can't he get over the phase of wearin t-shirts and start wearin shirts or polos!
then he wanted jeans.
i thought to be helpful and chose for him somethin nice, which wasn't the usual black OR blue OR faded jeans,
BUT he rejected it.
then later in the day he chose some disgusting coloured pants from projectshop.
but THANK GOD he discarded that piece of atrocity.
haha.

i have yet to do my homework for GP and ART.
shucks. i'm too lazy.
I CAN'T afford to BE this WAY!

ok. thank god art is on thursday.
and gp... is at 2pm.
SAVED.

MATHS!!*screams in agony.

ok. i miss calvin again. *roar.
thank god there's CNY. (((:

well, back to...
5 days and counting-
:D

a string width away

today was class outing day!!! (:

although it wasn't as fun and game filled as it was last year with #137'05 ,
i must say the class has bonded more than it use to be.
espcially durin the macdonald's dinner, where everyone sat on the GRAND oval table.

P26knights, of the oval table. * rolls eyes.

but i guess the cyclin was fun. ahhaa. now elvis has permanently joined in the ranks of our little chat circle. haha. YAY. 1 more companion in our lonely retainee lives.

my legs are STILLlll achin very badly frm the volley trainin on wed.
and tmr there's trainin again! i can juz envision myself not walkin the whole weekend.
BUT
since calvin is comin back, my wonderful beloved, i will WILL my legs to move.
perhaps roar, like
"WALK YOU PATHETIC RODS of FLESH!"

(:
15 hours and COUNTING-

life's worth.

shoes, check.
plan top, check.
belt, check.
pants, check.

(((: i'm a happy person.

shopping today was HILARIOUS.
nai was.. HA.
she did her shoppin- FINALLY reserved 2 tops frm MANGO
and we both bought funky vintage belts!!! my god.
they are ENVY-ABLE. he he he. *sticks out tongue.

tomorrow is class OUTING!!! and adriano's bdae!!!
so EXciting. (:
east coast here i COME.

nothin else to say too tired.
too drained.
too...
happy.

calvin's comin back 2 days time.

2 days and counting-

fool proof discussion

well now, contrary to wad i said yest about beign an embaressment, volley wasn't that bad!
haha.
in fact i learnt a few stuff and it was pretty fun though my forearms are now bruised. but it was fun. (:

there will be trainin on sat and i'm lookin forward to it!
its so unlike track where i always dread goin for the trainins.
and when i do associations, i'm talkin of the time when i went for track mroe regularly. HAHA

anyway, volleyball would be a blast even if its as lousy as i know it is. HAHA

and i can actually look better at the beach!
haha,
anyway, nai din go to sch today! tsk tsk.
thank god the timetable did not haf any breaks which involved me being torn away frm my classmates, or would haf rotted away, lonely and cast aside.

the exaggeration.

i'm drained rite now and its only 8.30++.

shopping tmr!!! FINALLY.
i'll check out the shoes (for sch) and conclude if i have any interest in the designs that i haf seen thus far. IF not.
converse white leather low cuts,
will stay. (:

frankly i can't wait for sat's trainin.
it'll probably be tougher, but i bet it juz can't BE as tough as track now can it?

u know i think mr. sng believes he's good lookin, that's y he ALWAYS makes the corniest cold jokes, and teases ppl like its really part of his personality. and it's not like they're funny? they aren't most of the time.
but anyway, in TRUTH,
he's juz a lit teacher, hu's the best lookin of all the others, ONLY in YISHUN JUNIOR COLLEGE.
But.
since i get the highest marks for my lit essays out of the 3 teachers from him~...
i guess i'll patronize him a little more than i feel he deserves. haha.

how kind.

i'm really in the mood for sleepin.
*sigh

3 days and counting-

think thoughts

i can't believe we're all gona be 18 this year. HA HA HA!

sing to the trees

today is like every other day.

going to sch,
at sch,
linger linger,
home,
feed the dog,
get my dinner,
eat my dinner,
watch tv,
play arnd with the com.

can life be that borin?
and i imagine life is gona be like that every other day in years to come.

i got into volley. haha
that's a joke to laugh about. and i remembered tellin them that i wasn't exactly good or experienced in volleyball.
oh my, wad a joke.
and tomorrow's the trainin! (how humiliatin it will be. i'll be sure to report it to you.)*rolls eyes.

i can't believe nai and i join in the guys to ogle at the vanessa girl's looks. my, but isn't she the prettiest girl??? * turns green.
hahaha
no but seriously she's a HK/taiwan actress look alike.
big eyes, mi-nute lips, sharp face, swingy hair.
god. that's really somethin to be envious over.

now i'd like to see someone lookin like angelina jolie.
that'll create a huge HOO HA.

oh sigh.

i miss calvin.
i want to buy my stuff.
i want to curl my hair(too short).
i want a nicer tan still.
and...
i miss calvin.

4 days more and counting-

my word is truth

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Bite off all my fingernails. Get your resolution here

right side up- what?

now i reallllllyyyy want the sch shoes. haha
(thanks alot to junyi's modellin of her new sch shoes. HAHA, now i'm completely envious. Ha!)

and i haf to fork out some bit for my friggin handphone bill. (parents roar) *sigh
oh wells. at least i'm changin my plan. cheaper bill, more smses... better talk time? ahaha.
SCREW YOU M1!!! :D

i want top shop shoes!
i'm a sad sad SAD pathetic fool.
so much for wantin to save some cash in my bank account.

i think art is kinda fun.
the teacher is nice/funky/borin all at the same time, it keeps you awake. HAHA.

and i slack so much in sch, i wonder wad i'm even doin there.
and i end sch at 4.30 again tmr. AGAIN for god's sake. mayb after i'll drag myself to the gym to actually get my muscles movin again. and run minimum 6 rounds round the track if my legs still work like they USE to.

i'm so useless at my peak. useless piece of shit. throw me sympathy.
no.
dun show me sympathy.
bring me joy and distraction.
i need much of em rite now. and for months to come.
in fact for 2 years. but this year would be sufficent, cause nxt year, i'll finally get myself busy wid A lvl prep... *rubs hand in anticipation.
and its still 11 mths away.

lately i've been doin lots of counting down. that's pathetic u noe, if u ask me.
its just goes to show how FREE i am, adn how borin a person I AM.

5 more days!!! *jiggles (ewww. haha) happily.

time strolling

back frm breezing thru suntec! (((:

yes, i got the heels.
and i did the usual starin at this 1 pair of shoes i can't get unless i make at least $5000 a mth
(costs $149) ($5000, cause its the min salary i'd feel safe spendin $149 on, i mean its only 1.98%!!!) frm ALDO.

i went to watch Memoirs of a Geisha alone, as u already noe since i've been yakkin away bout it since...
ya anyway, it was nice. gong li's beauty as classic as always *in awe.

and abt the buyin stuff thing.
i've decided... *drum roll*
to buy the sch shoes AND the top shop shoes
and if all goes well cash wise, and if i CAN find a good white denim,
then i shall get it.
accessories are a see and browse thing.

haha.

all that headache, for wad? (:
geez.
why is it still 6 days!!!??
ha.

6 days and still counting-

my fingers go click click click.

i've been thinking.
i want that pair of top shop shoes.
i want accessories.
i want white/faded denim skirt.
and i want calvin home rite now!, so we can go and celebrate CNY together.

and if i buy a new pair of school shoes,
i can't buy my white denim.
and maybe the top shop shoes too!

so, wad shld i do?
what should i do, i do, i do...

and i'm not backin out of the memoirs of a giesha alone thing.
my mind is SET.
and i went tannin again.
2 consecutive days.
its called... makin full use of freedom.
my skin looks tan to me.. but it might turn red very soon, though i dun feel any pain anywhere except my face

i'm so bored. hopefully my dad will be free later so i can drag him over to Suntec to get my heels.

and am i talkin randomly or WHAT?

i'm off. later.

6 more and counting-

a hit home thought

i went to watch movie alone!!! haha
at least it was quite quiet in the cinema, not so bad.
BUT
i intend to try tmr, watchin memoirs of a geisha.
if any frens wants to watch wid me, too bad.
its about time i strengthen the courage i've managed to build up.
nxt thing on the "to do" courage list is... goin the NUDE on the beach... in wads that beach called in some part of the world?
yea, i shall try that one day, whether i be some wrinkly old woman, i dun care. i'll do it.

by the way i watched "in her shoes" today.
a very movin tale of 2 sisters i must say. not chic despite wad reviews haf said.
"i carry ur heart ( i carry ur heart in my heart)", taken frm In Her Shoes.
sweet huh. *smiles
its times like these, that makes me realise how much i'm missin without any siblings arnd me, and that frankly, i'm quite alone.
oh wells, no use glooming away. HAHA

went shoppin again... bought a top, again, frm fcuk.
and maybe i'll get this pair of shoes that i'm VERY interested in frm top shop.
yes.
and i'm still pondering on whether to get sch shoes...
or mayb juz stick wid my bag fetish. HAHA. like i HAD one?
and now i'm thinkin of white/really faded denim skirt.
shit. stop me pls. some one bloody hell stop me.

ok. i admit.
i'm one of those impulsive buyers u see on the streets.
figures y i end up being broke most of the time. *sigh

and now i'm thinkin y i care so much to buy so many clothes when most of my life is spent in sch.

ok, i'm messin my head up. jeez

with a life of its own

"funny why they always wanna be frens once they rip ur guts out.", taken frm starship troopers about girls and break ups. haha

i juz found that phrase really amusing. its nice to noe we haf the power to RIP! haha

alright. attempted to tan today. the sun was out but i din get a tan, but the moment i stepped out of the complex, the sun shined full blast.
i think the sun hates me.
i think it really does.

i skipped sch almost the whole day except for geog lecture.
good thing since i din haf to go for pc/ct and i did not land myself any class commitee position, which was fine by me.
and i din haf to hear my stupid form teacher's irritating voice.
though she called earlier on to ask wad was wrong.
i must say the only problem i haf with sch, is her.

her fav phrases are "can do" and "of sorts". and she uses them excessively mind u.
i thought GP teaches u to be more creative and not practice repetition of words.
(yea she's my GP teacher, adn yes, she teaches GP, duh)

i missed lit tuitorial but that's ok. wad ever intro mr sng is tryin to get us to do is the same as wad he did last year. so basically i've done it all b4.
and its no use introducing urself to a class filled with ppl whereby only half of them has any intentions of stayin in YJ aft trial period.

shld i buy more clothes or shld i juz buy my sch shoes and nothin else? pls i need opinions and i need it NOW.
i cannot make up my mind, HOW?

only 3 days haf passed since i've seen calvin, but it's felt like weeks. jeez

i need to shop. get me out of my stagnant, "all abt calvin" mood.
pathetic.
absolutely PATHETIC.

i love my love for life.

HAHA . yay! calvin's comin back on the 21st yay~! and goin back on 22nd. ): but nvm, he's comin back on 21st YAY~! hahaha

today went trudgin thrugh the south/centre of singapore in search of our WANTS.
yes.
shoppin it was. first for cheryl's,
then it was charlotte's BROWSIN,
and then later my embaressment at fcuk.
*sigh

so much for gettin a cheque.
POSB is friggin unreliable when it comes to gettin it deposited.

so charLOTTE saves my day. *grins
many many thanks once again.((:

so now all i need to get is sch shoes...
but sometimes i feel that they really aren't necessary. u noe?
but i'll see.

thank you lottsie once again. sorry, i need to get rid of the pai seh, guilty feelin.
THANK YOU! :D

"calvin's comin back~.. calvin's comin back~.. calvin's comin back~.."

duh, sian.

later post this is.

goodbye and goodnight.

luck turns and smiles

i've got my pay!!!!
i'm a really, happy, person. (((((:

shoppin here i COME. *grins

i guess i'll be quitin track.
too much commitment.
don't they all say that?
ok fine, i'll say diff.
i'll say," i hate being pushed"

tiff, cheryl and i are tryin our UTMOST to get touch rugby to be set up as a cca. wish us lots and lots of luck. and may the bitch of a principal say somethin friendlier like, "ok, i agree"
that would make matters seem a lot brighter.

ok.. i'll go eat my dinner. will be back to post another i suppose.

when love falls back.

so i'm alone again aft a blissful day frm 8pm yest to 6pm today.
now all i gotta do is be alone once more for 16-17 more days.
that's 2 weeks and 2-3 days.

temp singlehood here i come.

i hate the damn feelin that i'm feelin rite now.
its like i've been to hell, and momentarily given grace, only to be pulled back to the fires yet again.
such uncalled for hope.

CNY would juz be another given grace. but welcomed nonetheless.

at least i noe he's enjoyin himself there, tryin to become a man, considering all that talk with occasional moans he's been doin, haha.

i'm happy i'm at least able to connect with his army talk. (thank you NCC! haha)

ok. shoppin i want. PAY?! where the friggin hell ARE YOU you stupid BITCH! :D

A*list:
- 2 tops
- sch shoes
- heelies
and they all add up to 300+++. that's the f***ed up part.
BUT
that's all i want for CNY and life rite now. NOW!!!!!! *roar

money money money money money...

followin up

i din get my dumpling noodles and iced tea for lunch.

but.

i got it for dinner.

HAHAHA.

the status quota

i've decided i shan't whine no more bout calvin in BMT.
i mean it's not like he's dead and won't appear to me forever.
if he's tryin to take life in stride by goin to the army to become a man,
then so can i, take it in stride, and live the life i use to live and enjoy myself as a temp single.

wow. i can't believe sayin that made me smile to myself. haha. (:

i shall continue livin( in singular form)! frm....
uh
wednesday onwards.
i shall miss him, but life WILL proceed with normality and its usual vibrance. yes.
i see hope at the end of the tunnel!

now then.
shld i go for the surf and sweat organised by NTU??
but then i haven't been trainin for a few months.
now wad?
but i say, it IS fun...
its sorta surfin and then runnin 3 k if i remember correctly fmr last year.

ok right now, i'm at home. well, can't really go anywhere since its rainin cats and dogs.
why can't it juz be sunny for one whole day, and may that day NOT be a god damn sch day!
i'm fair and i hate it.

and i juz ate insufficent food cause i refuse to step out into the pounding rain juz to get my late lunch, and in doin so, probably getting half my body drenched.
and i had my perfect lunch all planned out!
dumpling noodles and iced lemon tea.

i wouldn't have mind sittin at the cofffee shop eating and readin my book alone.
the wind would be perfect for a nice cold atmosphere to suit my mood and the silence i'd surround myself wid would be so... comfortable.

i really shld try watchin movies alone. imagine how much fun that'll be. :D

dun call me a loner cause goin to the movies alone happens to be one of the things that most singaporeans wouldn't DARE do, and by challenging juz that, u are... hur, an individual, standing out, in ur own RIGHT.

how bout that. (:
if u've already done it, u have earned my respect. *shakes hand

alright, i'm pissin bored.
i'll post later IF i want.

its my battle

i miss him,
and i love him,
and now that i'm without him,
i'm grievin.

like how the hell am i suppose to live my life Normally when calvin is doin his BMT?
i feel lonely and sad and that's depressin.
now i actually UNDERSTAND why some girls just can't live without a boyfren too long.
that's y they feel ok about gettin boyfren aft boyfren and end up lookin cheap and so much like an easy catch.
hur.
NEVER, i say, will i be like that. i WILL wait a year or 2 before i actually consider takin up a guy again should i break up wid calvin...

enuff of that.

i'm goin out wid sarah and ting later for dinner and get that shorts!!! HAHAHA

finally, i won't feel the desolation of not havin it.
gettin the shorts would minimize the sufferings my current state of mind is undergoing.

i miss calvin.

oh such times

my bald, funny, darlin boy is all i think abt when i'm alone.
when i'm not, it takes quite a lot to push him OUT of my mind to actually concentrate on the present.

this is depressin.
the worst part is, i think he's all TOO busy doin his routines and drills to actually think of me.
this is depressin.
i repeat,
this is depressin. ):

well today was the last day of orientation, where i actually did a bit of INTERACTION wid my newbie classmates.
and here's the major shock,
i played BASKETBALL. can u believe a time where u actually saw me PLAY that damn game?
while i din really like it if u thought this time would haf been different.
i passed instead of dribble. threw air shots when it was suppose to go INTO the net. and i made my usual stupid faces when i was tryin to catch the humongous ball.
i'll say again.
basketball is the one game i can NEVER play. i'm soooo noobish.
and i hate lookin retarded.
call it ego. i have lots, no, LOADS of it.

"free ego up for grabs!"

we also had the jammin night in the air conditioned (thank god) hall. however since all of 'em J1s were dancin the mass dance in the foyer b4 that, the hall reeked of sweat.
but that did not hinder the atmosphere and i must say it was ALMOST crazy. haha.
everyone was dancin their most violent and guys were looking stupid with their awkward moves. but that made up the fun, and atmosphere was intensly insane for one astonishing moment. :D

i think T16 is kind of a nice class. and for the first time in my 2nd year in YJC, i actually haf more guys than girls in my class. haha.
great improvement frm last year where there was only 4 guys and 15 girls.
but 137, again, will alwaya be remembered. i miss those ppl! ((:

i dun think i'll forget this crazy night at YJC. *grins

and yes, i'm recallin all that to get my head away frm all the thoughts of calvin lee xian jing.

in the aft i said that i din miss him that much,
now i say!
i miss him so damn friggin hell MUCH.

i miss him. *sigh

my life bonking

i've decided that stonin all day isn't so bad.
especially when its exceptionally excitin to see our OGLs squirm when we just walk away right in front of their tippy top pointy noses. they haf no choice! *muahaha

okok. cranky.
i want the lessons to just start la. i'm wastin my life away and its in school! i mean if its near a beach i dun mind u noe, but in School?! where u see the sun and yet u find urself in a sch uniform and in a surrounding where its completely impossible to strip. shit.
i'm gettin very annoyed and its disgustin me.

last day. *sigh

and u noe, i realised i'm usin the "f***" word a lot.
shows a lot how pissed i am abt life huh?

last day.... ))):

standin still. forever lost.

*cries for help*

i hate being a retainee. i HATE it. u hear?!
i miss my exclassmates, #137,
i miss my friends,
and i miss the lessons i SHOULD be havin this year had i took art instead of
F***in economics!!!

i hate my retainee life.
the nxt time u see me juz slap me.
or take out a knife and Stab me.
just get me.
i'll thank thee.
and perhaps celebrate it with tea.

am i stabbed? *hopeful

calvin is goin away. *sobs
ok, i shan't be clingy. ew. haha
but god i'll miss him... he's my pillar! where would that pillar be if i wanted to feel feminnine? haha. oh i do love him so. i'll miss him lots.*sniff.

goodness. such depressin thoughts. don't be surprised if i go into depression. THAT would be a scary thought don't u think, considering how slappable my face already is? haha.
the gym and runnin will be the only temp way to get rid of my depressin thoughts.

and great. my mum juz brought me even bigger news to make my life MORE miserable than it already is.
wad could be more worst than workin, AFTER SCHOOL. will some one just god damn SAVE ME??? *cries harder.
i hate this feelin. i HATE it.

and i miss calvin so much.
and he's not even gone yet. *laughs
but in juz 3 days...

oh sigh

giving thanks.

i would also like to show some appreciation for the ppl hu i spent my new year's eve with. love u ppl!

the fireworks was... ok i guess? haha

(how romantic) :D

and i love calvin. haha!

looking into

its Finally 2006. lets all sulk.
its yet another whole year to count down through. the days, months, hours, mins, secs.

the life of a typical singaporean student, tryin to work his/her way to the ultimate seat in society's highest!
but really is that necessary? couldn't we all go back to kampong livin and fish catching and perhaps coconut rappin...no wait those are for monkeys... (well we WERE mokeys if u think abt it)

the only satisfaction i haf frm spendin nxt year is that my stress level will not rise as high as those who haf made it tot he higher grade, J2.

yes, i haf the mixed feelin, like any other retainee, of relief and jubilation yet a dread that u'll never graduate with ur fellow dragon boomsters and a loss that friendships might juz very well widen a notch.

even so, there is much to be excited abt. reopening of sch... the reunitin of "long time no see" schoolmates, and, the feeling that u can conquer EVERYTHIN the teachers can throw at u this year.
that however would definitely die down by nxt week.
that IS a definite.

no resolutions this year i suggest to all of you. live our life free. u dun wnat to end another year feeling frustrated bout not being able to meet last year's resolution. so live ur life how and when u want, i say. live it FULLY. (:

may memories ALWAYS live on. good and bad.
everytime u need a little excitement, flip thru memories pages and cry and smile over it. people would probably think ur crazy. but hey, ur rememberin.

i think i'll embrace my fate.
bring it on 2006!