the lowest i could go

to say that i'm pretty disappointed is an understatement.

i lost out in long jump because i friggin couldn't step in the board.

now look where that silver indi trophy is goin.
just look at where its GOIN!!!
(no i'm not against the girl hu got it, i'm just beatin myself down fro losing it)

i'm depressed, and just need to rant it all out but even than i duno wad to rant!

i'm sadly, depressingly hopeless i feel so useless.
however,i did get encouragement frm the teacher to try trainin and attempt participating for nxt years inter sch nationals. it was a fruit for thought, he says, "just to prove i can" (as in he can to coach us to become jumpers)

should i?

the thought of goin back to the track and field lifestyle is failing to shine some positive light on my current situation.

it'll bring my thick thighs back.
and i so want to keep it as slim as possible.
too much muscles on a girl's thigh aren't flattering.

but truth that is blared in my face is that i din even get the top 3 places!
that's the sad and sorry truth and i can't take it. my ego just CANNOT take it.
NOT when i managed to get the SECOND place LAST YEAR.
dammit. i hate being unable to control wad i know i CAN.
i really feel like crack my head and pullin my hair out.
it ain't any good keepin them ANYWAY~

should i take the chance?

considerin possiblities:
-time consuming
(takin in consideration i'll be in J2 then. YES I MUST PROMOTE.)
-tiring
-i already haf volleyball to train for
-i can't possibly haf the ability to train myself since i never was a
jumper anyway.
-again time consuming cause if u do want to take effort to train,
one needs a partner.

such a headache.
should i? )))):

i need calv to lean on and rant to cause he's prob the only one that'll cheer me up.
encourage me when i need to be told so, and tell me the lies of love that i'm still the best.
(recalls the sonnet by shaekespear that appeared durin the blocks)

geez i need him now and i'm gona burst into tears. ))):

i scraped my knee too.
at least if i scraped it to get to top 3 it wouldn't be bad, but i scraped it and din get anythin.

i feel fuck useless.

i've got perpetually ugly and scraped up knees, low morale and low physical condition.
what can be more worst.

what can be more worst.

21 days to happy day!
1 days till calvin returns!
8 days to calvin's happy day!
no i did not say ll that in a happy note.