you noe, i just realised i become such a drag when i talk to guys.
(with the exception of calv, cause he's become a part of me i dun see him as a completely diff being) maybe u don't notice, but i just did.
i mean i always knew that i get shy and awkward.
but haf u ever noticed that i stutter, for even that slightest bit?
its for every guy i meet for that first time or any guy i treat as an acquaintance.
and for goodness sake i sometimes i dun even haf to LIKE that guy!
its really absurd i sometimes want to kick and slap myself in the head.
but alas, my foot couldn't reach my head and if i keep slappin my head real hard, i won't be able to pass my As by the end of nxt year.
sometimes it could even be guys i DO noe, treat more than just acquaintance, but just don't always talk to... and AGAIN i fail myself in the "appear cool" department.

i won't even attempt to excuse myself by sayin i've been in a girl's sch pratically my whole life, cause i was pretty active in NCC, and i DID, if i had any choice at all, interact with all sorts of guys, from the weird, to the cute, to the practically kick ass irritating kind.

of course, the only way to hide my stutter or shyness, is the practical way of shutting up.
but wad do i get for putting up that brave front?
a reputation for being dao and perhaps... antisocial?
for one thing, i am NOT anti social, just selective. and even if i wanted to SAY somethin to someone, i'd haf to decide WHAT to say cause most of the times, i'm very attuned to what LEVEL of conversation would actually interest the other party.

so u can see, my life is a hard one, if not one that is hilarious.

i can't think of a possible cause of it, so let me just leave it on this note,
that i do try to come across as friendly. (its not hard for me, its just that ppl misinterpret it, or think it comes out comically fake)
if u can't appreciate it, then help me. ( that was a desperate call by the way/:)

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i went to bishan library today to do art research.
that place was like a TREASURE TROVE.
it held all the information that i desperately needed, and EVERYTHIN, was on the same shelf, RIGHT BESIDE EACH OTHER!!!

the minute i saw the word "shoes" i scrambled and grabbed at the books.
it wasn't as if anyone was snatching them away from me, but it was that few seconds of complete triumphant joy when i saw them, that i just COULDN'T contain the excitement in me that i just HAD to haf them all.
i chucked a total of 7 books into my arms, 3 of which were gigantors an almost skipped to those flat benches near the shelves, following which i dumped them unceremoniously onto.
alas, i picked out only 5:















My art theme is "shoes"
if u haven't already guessed.
but for now. i'm a happy girl. so until i get over the joy and the fact that i haf to start drawin wadever i SEE in the books starts seepin into me, let me enjoy a moment of peace.

oh wait.
the fact has ALREADY seeped it.
fuck it.